


Five Things Animal Ate Recently

by marginaliana



Category: Muppet Show
Genre: Gen, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-10
Updated: 2006-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-05 16:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Animal eats across the country.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things Animal Ate Recently

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xanthophyllippa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=xanthophyllippa).



1\. Hollywood

Kermit put his head in his hands, torn between laughter and tears. They hadn't even left on the tour yet and he already had a homicidal pig to deal with.

"That little freak ate my favorite Manolo Blahniks!" Piggy squealed. "They were chartreuse with burnt umber sequins - the perfect shoes!" By now Kermit was holding her back. As he made soothing noises, Dr. Teeth broke in.

"Aw, come on, little pig lady, he didn't mean it. He's just excited about the tour. Aren't you, Animal?" Kermit turned to look at him incredulously.

"Heh, heh, heh," said Animal, grinning.

\-----

2\. New Mexico

Rowlf ducked behind the curtain separating the back of the bus from the front, thinking _I know Piggy likes to steal the show, but this is ridiculous._ He froze, however, at the sight of Gonzo, his left arm and leg extended into Animal's open mouth.

"Hey Rowlf," said Gonzo enthusiastically. "We're practicing my newest act! I'm going to recite Catullus' poem [Invitation to Fabullus](http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poet=12471&poem=344266) while Animal chows down. Isn't it a terrific idea?!"

Rowlf backed away slowly.

\-----

3\. West Virginia

Dana Fox yawned and leaned back in her chair. She spent several minutes contemplating putting her feet up on the instrument console, but decided against it; her boss would give her hell if he ever found out. She sighed. Dana had thought that working for [SETI](http://www.seti.org) would be exciting, putting her on the cutting edge of science. Instead it was deadly, horribly dull. Her job consisted of endless days sitting in front of the screnes, waiting for something to happen. So far, nothing had, and Dana was starting to lose faith in their mission.

_Like some crazy alien is going to care enough about us to listen to our silly messages,_ she thought. _Really, if anyone hears these broadcasts at all, they'd probably just squash us like an annoying bug._ She stifled another yawn.

Suddenly, the instrument panel burst into action, emitting a cacophony of noises. Dana almost fell out of her chair. She grabbed the walkie-talkie they were required to keep handy just as it, too, sprang to life.

"Position three to control," said a panicked voice.

"Control here," said Dana. "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know," said the voice, "but a big chunk of the main satellite dish is... well, it's just gone!"

A loud, heavy belch rattled through the complex.

\-----

4\. Pittsburgh

Animal munched happily in his corner of the bus, grunting occasionally. Dr. Teeth sighed, thankful for a moment of relative peace, and slid another slice of rye into the toaster, carefully making sure the dial was set to exactly 4.5.

"Tooooooooooast," said Animal, grinning widely. Dr. Teeth compulsively checked the bread supply and made a mental note to pick up some more at their next stop.

"Ping!" went the toaster.

\-----

5\. Washington, DC

Kermit herded the group back into the tour bus.

"Step on it!" he yelled to Dr. Teeth. Behind them, three men in dark suits ran furiously across the lawn of the large, white building. The bus pulled out into the crowded street and Kermit breathed a sigh of relief as the secret service men were lost to sight.

He gave Animal a reproachful look, which was returned with a guileless grin. Kermit sighed. He supposed he couldn't blame Animal, really. After all, you'd think a president would have better manners than to go around using coarse language like "eat me."


End file.
